Are you tired of the same old politics? Well, the Bacon Party needs your support this fall!

Like the major parties, we intend to make tons of pork, but the Bacon Party sets itself apart. Our running mate, Beer (D-RAFT), is cool under pressure, and consider our cabinet: Lettuce (R-MAINE), Tomato (R-ED), and Toast (D-RY).

Our platform is simple:

• Pass a universal bacon plan in our first term
• Open Alaska to bacon drilling
• And NEVER take bacon out of the pockets of hard-working Americans, because that's just gross

So join the Bacon Party, and let's change the world one BLT at a time...

That's right! Saturday, September 6th, 2008, join us at Rainbow Park in Oshkosh for the 3rd Annual Bacon Party. The festivities will start about noon and last until it gets dark. Homemade bacon, BLT's, beer, and a couple of bacon sides will be provided. If you are inclined, feel free to bring your favorite bacon creation to share.

The standard rules apply:

• Pet pigs will not be tolerated this year. Things get awkward
• Bring your friends; everyone is more than welcome
• Vegetarian proselytizers will promptly be escorted out
• Drive safely (serious one). Please eat bacon reponsibly
• The lunch crowd should be pretty kid friendly
• The dinner crowd will be kid friendly if your kids are awesome
• We'll be in a park, so bring park stuff if you have it: Outdoor games, folding chairs, etc.
• No purchase necessary. Offer void in Rhode Island

You might think I'm kidding, but not this time.

On August 30th (the weekend before), Kelly and I will be getting married in a small family wedding. The Bacon Party will be our opportunity to celebrate with friends and family in a relaxed, informal way. We are both really looking forward to it.

So you don't know us? Well don't worry. It shouldn't be nearly as painful as a regular reception. No awkward toasts, no electric slide, and no creepy uncles. Just come on down and have a good time. You won't feel out of place.

So you do know us? Great! I hope to see you there. No gifts, please, just come on down and have a good time.

The Bacon Party has come to power, and it is all because of your support! Now it's time to get down to the dirty business of reforming this thing we call a healthcare system. It's a system obviously in need of repair - the mere fact that bacon is almost never prescribed by doctors screams of a system in disarray.

Maybe it's because of the vegetarians, or maybe it's the beef lobby, but have you noticed that bacon is conspicuously absent from the national debate? There's a reason no one is talking about it: bacon currently enjoys a 95.4% job approval rating, but so called "health professionals" think an all-bacon diet is bad for you. This is a wake up call! If the Bacon Party doesn't immediately insert itself into the national debate, Obama will kill your grandmother and steal your bacon.

The Bacon Party is ready to cut through the clutter and have a serious discussion on the future of the American healthcare system (and the role bacon will play in it):

Other countries have government healthcare, what can we learn from their systems?
That's right, most developed nations have some form of government healthcare. The best comparison can be made with our neighbors to the north, the Canadians, and it's no contest, Canadian bacon stinks compared to ours.

My employer currently provides me with bacon.
Now that's the American dream. What a great place to work.

It is, but I'm worried that a government plan will derail the bacon train. Any truth to that?
Yes, we can guarantee that a public plan will not include bacon benefits. In fact, big brother wants to take away your right to eat bacon. They actually plan on coming to your house and taking the bacon straight out of your fridge. It's clearly spelled out on page 484, Section 1305 - (a)(iii)(1)(G) in the house healthcare bill. We looked it up, so don't worry about checking for yourself.

Wow, that's scary. What about my ammo?
No. Your ammo is fine.

I thought bacon wasn't good for me. I don't know...maybe we should put some restrictions on it?
I'm sorry that you were mistaken. Bacon is actually great for you.

So what can I do?
Go to a town hall meeting and demand an answer from your representative. They might act surprised or even claim they like bacon. That's exactly what they WOULD say if they planned to take it away. Now yell as loud as you can. Stockpile bacon. Rent a storage unit if you need it. Most importantly, come to the 4th annual Bacon Party to show your support!